Dishonest Intentions


I am usually an extremely caring, generous, understanding person. But, things will get ugly if I suspect the other party is using me to their advantage in a sneaky way. I can’t describe to which extent my thoughts would reach to. I feel something is boiling inside of me and I am about to explode at any second. I’ve been in this place so many times when dating. I have not fallen in love yet, and I am not in a rush. Till this day, I have no idea what romantic love really is. This is because when I get to dating, I tend to be overly caring and a great listener. If the feelings of the other party disappear, they don’t disclose it. They’d rather keep talking to me for their own advantage. I’ve been with those who use me as a listener as if I am a therapist or a shoulder to cry on literally. I’ve been with those who played nice and “the good guy” to lure me and when I played too hard to get, they confessed of their true intentions after living in a lie they made me believe. I have been with those who wanted my professional background to help with their project. Once they got what they needed, they ghosted. As if I was an object, senseless, heartless without emotions. As if I didn’t really exist.

My friend was telling me dating has changed so much since her days. It was much easier since they weren’t very exposed to social media, texting, the media. They didn’t see much. If they date, it’s a date. If they kiss, it was a commitment just like marriage. She said she had never experienced ghosting, or pretending, or hard times while dating. And, she’s right. I doubt “love” or “feelings” still exist with all this technology around people making everything instant, fast and available when they need it. Before they even know it, it’s defining their personalities, their attitudes, their behaviors, and actions.

Call me old-fashioned, but I’d rather have a face-to-face conversation with someone for hours than to text day and night. I’d rather go on adventures, take risks and have fun face-to-face. I’d rather have a surprise in person, not by text or a call. I’d rather be living a simple, farm life with my cows and plants than living in a big city life filled with liars and actors.

I can’t believe this world has become like this, full of dishonest intentions.

Your Touch Is …


Lukewarm.

Not too hot and not too cold.

Your touch gives me the chills and shivers.

Your touch gives me the warmness and coziness.

At the same time.

Your touch makes me obsessed, addicted.

Your touch makes me helpless, fragile.

Your touch makes me alive again, again.

At the same time.

Not too hot to burn me alive

Not too cold to freeze me alive

Just temperature right, enough

To keep my heart racing, my cheeks blushing, my lips wet

Goosebumps everywhere

Your touch is what I need right now, every day.

Feeling Afraid Is A Way


Usually people picture feeling afraid as holding them back. And this is true. When you’re afraid, you avoid going for things because it creates an uncomfortable feeling inside of you. We always tend to lean to the easy and comfortable feelings because it makes our life easier.

But have you ever considered feeling afraid as a way to get you to do things you avoided and making you feel much better than you already did. Feeling afraid creates motivation and aspiration. Feeling afraid all time makes me fed up and motivates me to fight this fear. I always search for ways to overcome my fears and feel uncomfortable for the hope of feeling much better afterwards. Feeling afraid increases my self-confidence.

It’s OK to be afraid; it’s normal, but hiding those fears and running away from them is not OK. Facing fear gets you to whole different level you never knew existed.