Dishonest Intentions


I am usually an extremely caring, generous, understanding person. But, things will get ugly if I suspect the other party is using me to their advantage in a sneaky way. I can’t describe to which extent my thoughts would reach to. I feel something is boiling inside of me and I am about to explode at any second. I’ve been in this place so many times when dating. I have not fallen in love yet, and I am not in a rush. Till this day, I have no idea what romantic love really is. This is because when I get to dating, I tend to be overly caring and a great listener. If the feelings of the other party disappear, they don’t disclose it. They’d rather keep talking to me for their own advantage. I’ve been with those who use me as a listener as if I am a therapist or a shoulder to cry on literally. I’ve been with those who played nice and “the good guy” to lure me and when I played too hard to get, they confessed of their true intentions after living in a lie they made me believe. I have been with those who wanted my professional background to help with their project. Once they got what they needed, they ghosted. As if I was an object, senseless, heartless without emotions. As if I didn’t really exist.

My friend was telling me dating has changed so much since her days. It was much easier since they weren’t very exposed to social media, texting, the media. They didn’t see much. If they date, it’s a date. If they kiss, it was a commitment just like marriage. She said she had never experienced ghosting, or pretending, or hard times while dating. And, she’s right. I doubt “love” or “feelings” still exist with all this technology around people making everything instant, fast and available when they need it. Before they even know it, it’s defining their personalities, their attitudes, their behaviors, and actions.

Call me old-fashioned, but I’d rather have a face-to-face conversation with someone for hours than to text day and night. I’d rather go on adventures, take risks and have fun face-to-face. I’d rather have a surprise in person, not by text or a call. I’d rather be living a simple, farm life with my cows and plants than living in a big city life filled with liars and actors.

I can’t believe this world has become like this, full of dishonest intentions.

Scary Unreal Community


Everywhere I go, I see fakeness. One with a blown up mouth, another with a distorted face, another with scary eyes and another with drawn eyebrows! Why is everybody looking like everybody else? Why is everyone looking like a scary doll? What’s with the plastic surgery trends these days?

I understand sometimes a nose might look wrong and needs fixing. I agree with this but why should you do it more than once?!! Are you attempting to  shrink your nose away?? What I’m trying to say is that the more plastic surgery a person undergoes, the scarier they’ll be! At least it scares the hell out of me!

Stay the way you are, no surgery or makeup will make you prettier from the outside if you don’t acknowledge it from the inside. Why do you need to go through a whole lot of pain to know it?

And on another note, plastic does not mean perfect! Surgeries are never 100% right; sometimes they make you look like a monster after multiple times.

Today I am living in a scary, unreal community that needs to end because it is making everyone look fake!