Clarity


We all deserve clarity and it’s your right to ask for it. It’s just how the other party responds that matters, not what the final answer is.

Today, I demanded clarity. My mind needed it to be in peace. I am an honest person and I can’t let go of loose endings as if nothing has happened.

This person responded. He was defensive and tried to play innocent. Instead of holding responsibility and apologizing for his actions, he turned the blame on me.

Of course, I didn’t let him win! I’m right and I am not afraid to stand up for myself. I fought back and reminded him of his mistake. So, he thought he’d shut me up with a childish gesture.

Surprisingly, I am happy this happened because I was able to see who he really was behind the mask. If he can’t take responsibility or at least apologize for the smallest mistake, how would he react to more serious mistakes? Definitely, blame it on me and escape!

I finally learned that he was just another wrong guy who walked into my life and, thankfully, I’m over him completely.

Pursue A Dead-End


I knew it was a dead-end from the second week. I was bored. My instincts told me so. One of my close friends sent me a warning. But, I didn’t want to give up just yet. I waited a week and another. Nothing has changed; same old same old.

Just now, I made my final decision: I’m done! Why should pursue someone not worth pursuing? Why should I waste my energy on someone who doesn’t deserve to receive it? Why should I feel bad for someone who is selfish and negative? Why should I care and listen if he doesn’t listen back, or show the slightest interest?

Why should pursue someone who is not worth pursuing? Why should I waste my energy on someone who doesn’t deserve it? Why should I feel bad for someone who is selfish and negative? Why should I care and listen if he doesn’t listen back, or show the slightest interest?

They told me I made the same mistake with every date: My patience runs off quickly and I don’t know how to wait. I get pissed off quickly. I need to give it time. It takes time.

I felt as the bad person and I decided to give more time and maybe try a little harder, maybe it would work.

Well, it didn’t. And I ended up feeling worse. Of all the men I met, I was always the one who put in the most effort and ended getting slapped in the face, figuratively. I guess the reason I can’t wait too long is because, at this point, I need to love and be loved. I need this affection. Before, it was just a “want”, a “try”.

Of all the men I met, I was always the one who put in the most effort and ended getting slapped in the face, figuratively. I guess the reason I can’t wait too long is because, at this point, I need to love and be loved. I need this affection. Before, it was just a “want”, a “try”.   this experience, in particular, I was lost. I didn’t know who was advising me right. One friend told me to give it time, another told me she didn’t trust him, mom gave him excuses and told me to give it time. My guts were telling me to quit after the first week; they were telling me it’s a dead end.

This experience, in particular, I was lost. I didn’t know who was advising me right. One friend told me to give it time, another told me she didn’t trust him, mom gave him excuses and told me to give it time. My guts were telling me to quit after the first week; they were telling me it’s a dead-end.

My gut always won and I ended up giving myself false hope and feeling guilty.

Well not anymore! Starting now, that who doesn’t deserve my attention, won’t get it.

There’s no point in going after a dead-end, pain, headache, drama.

There’s no point in going after someone just because he’s a good person and has a good job and ambitions, and, and … There’s no point in going after someone who suddenly shows no interest. There’s no point in going after someone who texts “good morning” like it’s a duty. It just doesn’t make sense. I am not looking for marriage or to settle. I just need that affection, that love, that feeling!

Unfortunately, people don’t care about that feeling anymore. They just want to settle for the ease and wealth.

 

 

Dishonest Intentions


I am usually an extremely caring, generous, understanding person. But, things will get ugly if I suspect the other party is using me to their advantage in a sneaky way. I can’t describe to which extent my thoughts would reach to. I feel something is boiling inside of me and I am about to explode at any second. I’ve been in this place so many times when dating. I have not fallen in love yet, and I am not in a rush. Till this day, I have no idea what romantic love really is. This is because when I get to dating, I tend to be overly caring and a great listener. If the feelings of the other party disappear, they don’t disclose it. They’d rather keep talking to me for their own advantage. I’ve been with those who use me as a listener as if I am a therapist or a shoulder to cry on literally. I’ve been with those who played nice and “the good guy” to lure me and when I played too hard to get, they confessed of their true intentions after living in a lie they made me believe. I have been with those who wanted my professional background to help with their project. Once they got what they needed, they ghosted. As if I was an object, senseless, heartless without emotions. As if I didn’t really exist.

My friend was telling me dating has changed so much since her days. It was much easier since they weren’t very exposed to social media, texting, the media. They didn’t see much. If they date, it’s a date. If they kiss, it was a commitment just like marriage. She said she had never experienced ghosting, or pretending, or hard times while dating. And, she’s right. I doubt “love” or “feelings” still exist with all this technology around people making everything instant, fast and available when they need it. Before they even know it, it’s defining their personalities, their attitudes, their behaviors, and actions.

Call me old-fashioned, but I’d rather have a face-to-face conversation with someone for hours than to text day and night. I’d rather go on adventures, take risks and have fun face-to-face. I’d rather have a surprise in person, not by text or a call. I’d rather be living a simple, farm life with my cows and plants than living in a big city life filled with liars and actors.

I can’t believe this world has become like this, full of dishonest intentions.

No Personal-ity


I spent the last week watching 1950s and 1960s romantic movies. Every second of each movie swept me away. The love was so authentic, so pure, so personal. There was a lot of interaction between two people, even though it was harder to communicate than today. Nowadays, there is still interaction but only behind the screen.

Whenever I go on a date, the first thing they ask me is about my presence online. Do you have Whatsapp? Are you on Facebook? Can you add me? Do you have an Instagram? I’d like to check you out!

But why? What will my Facebook profile give you? Will it answer your questions about who I really am? Or do you just care about outer beauty, that inner beauty no longer matters to you? Are people today this shallow and that addicted to tech? That they’d rather spend days and nights texting and stalking behind a screen than actually being with someone in person.

I want to go back to the old days when dating had more meaning, more value, more anticipation, and suspense. You want to know me better, let’s meet and we’ll talk. Let’s flirt, in person. Let’s dance in the streets at night and be silly, in person. Let’s laugh and cry, in person. Show me some personality, in person!

My Facebook profile won’t tell or show you anything!

I don’t know if such people still exist. Do they?

Say You’re Rejected, Please!


The future is already blurred out and we are trying to pave our path through the fogginess of life. Honestly, I don’t need an extra blur from employers. If I apply for a job and I am not a good match, why don’t they reply back with a rejection? It takes only a few seconds and I know that because I am sure every rejection (and even acceptance) email is automated.

Why don’t employers and HR managers show a little care and consideration for our effort to apply for jobs and respond back?! Is it too much to ask?!

After applying to many jobs, I don’t mind getting rejected… at least I got an answer! That silent response is way worse than a “We regret to inform you that we decided not proceed with your application” email!

Your Touch Is …


Lukewarm.

Not too hot and not too cold.

Your touch gives me the chills and shivers.

Your touch gives me the warmness and coziness.

At the same time.

Your touch makes me obsessed, addicted.

Your touch makes me helpless, fragile.

Your touch makes me alive again, again.

At the same time.

Not too hot to burn me alive

Not too cold to freeze me alive

Just temperature right, enough

To keep my heart racing, my cheeks blushing, my lips wet

Goosebumps everywhere

Your touch is what I need right now, every day.