It’s Wrong But …


I still don’t understand how it happened. I am the one who ended things between us due to lack of feelings from both our sides.  We kept communicating as friends and even less. A week after the break-up I didn’t feel anything at all. I actually felt relieved that we discussed this openly without any problems. I was happy with this decision. By mid of next week, a new feeling arises, a troublesome amazing one! I miss him. I miss him a lot! I miss being with him, talking to him, listening to him, trying more adventures with him. I was more alive when I was with him. I also changed without realizing it until yesterday when I was with him. My laziness decreased, my enthusiasm went up, my shyness was gone, I felt I was with someone very close, someone I can trust. I just wanted to see his and talk to him and hug him. But my feelings grew stronger when I saw and hugged him; I just couldn’t let go and I wanted to kiss him badly. And we did. And I couldn’t stop. Nor did he. I was enjoying it this time for real. This time I actually had a real, loving feeling for him. He told me he was trying to date someone and I knew what I did was wrong but my emotions were too strong I couldn’t sit still anymore. I don’t want to cut him off. He’s an amazing, caring, honest soul and it’s rare to find a close someone like him.

Should I let go of these feelings and go back to dating, or wait till I’m ready to meet someone new and get busy with my career?

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Tingling


It was unexpected, far from expected!

Then came that fraction-of-the-second touch and everything changed.

A sensation of closeness grew stronger and warmer. More intense, more exciting than the second before.

I wanted more. I felt greedy with CRAVE.

I CRAVED that amazing, heart-racing, tingling feeling that crept under my skin and I didn’t want to let go.

I was willing to take risks, to ignore ridiculous ‘society standards’ that made the enjoyable a taboo, that made life suck more! I was willing to let go just to experience an extra second of pleasure, happiness, rush.

It’s my new, sweet addiction and I don’t need saving.

It saved me.

I am no longer from rotting in the coffin of boredom. I am brought to the light of life.

Cheers!

 

 

 

 

Clarity


We all deserve clarity and it’s your right to ask for it. It’s just how the other party responds that matters, not what the final answer is.

Today, I demanded clarity. My mind needed it to be in peace. I am an honest person and I can’t let go of loose endings as if nothing has happened.

This person responded. He was defensive and tried to play innocent. Instead of holding responsibility and apologizing for his actions, he turned the blame on me.

Of course, I didn’t let him win! I’m right and I am not afraid to stand up for myself. I fought back and reminded him of his mistake. So, he thought he’d shut me up with a childish gesture.

Surprisingly, I am happy this happened because I was able to see who he really was behind the mask. If he can’t take responsibility or at least apologize for the smallest mistake, how would he react to more serious mistakes? Definitely, blame it on me and escape!

I finally learned that he was just another wrong guy who walked into my life and, thankfully, I’m over him completely.

No Personal-ity


I spent the last week watching 1950s and 1960s romantic movies. Every second of each movie swept me away. The love was so authentic, so pure, so personal. There was a lot of interaction between two people, even though it was harder to communicate than today. Nowadays, there is still interaction but only behind the screen.

Whenever I go on a date, the first thing they ask me is about my presence online. Do you have Whatsapp? Are you on Facebook? Can you add me? Do you have an Instagram? I’d like to check you out!

But why? What will my Facebook profile give you? Will it answer your questions about who I really am? Or do you just care about outer beauty, that inner beauty no longer matters to you? Are people today this shallow and that addicted to tech? That they’d rather spend days and nights texting and stalking behind a screen than actually being with someone in person.

I want to go back to the old days when dating had more meaning, more value, more anticipation, and suspense. You want to know me better, let’s meet and we’ll talk. Let’s flirt, in person. Let’s dance in the streets at night and be silly, in person. Let’s laugh and cry, in person. Show me some personality, in person!

My Facebook profile won’t tell or show you anything!

I don’t know if such people still exist. Do they?

Go Unfuck Yourself


Many people use the phrase “Go Fuck Yourself” when they’re pissed at someone.  It just happens to be the only phrase that comes to mind.

It’s part of our dictionary.

But have you ever wondered about using the phrase “Go Unfuck Yourself” for positive intentions?

To me, “Go Unfuck Yourself” means: Be who you were before all the problems and thoughts happened that dimmed your soul! 

So if you’re upset with someone and at the same time you don’t want to hurt them, use this phrase instead.

So, this is to everyone reading this and is buried in their problems and bad thoughts: Go Unfuck Yourselves and Have a Good Day!

DRIVE AWAY


She couldn’t take it anymore! She packed her things in a school bag and got into her 1965 Blue Ford Thunderbird. She turned on the engine and turned up the volume to The Beach Boys. She pulled to Drive and drove away.

I’ve always wanted to drive away to a new place I’ve never been to, and to explore new roads and people. Just thinking about it relaxes me and makes me ‘aaah’.

The feeling of getting lost alone is exciting, frightening and relieving all at the same time. It gets your mind off daily issues such as housework, traffic, work, and family.  I wish we could drive our worries away, pack them in the trunk of the car and send them away….

One day, I’ll be that girl in the Blue Thunderbird….
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