A devilish, amazing feeling crept in out of the blue. It felt good for a short while until my rationalism woke up from its nap. A loop was forming, almost closing. I got myself out easily the first time. This time it’s different; I have genuine and deeper feelings. I had to get out before I get stuck in this dead-end circle and fall apart. I still had enough time to get out through the loophole; I just had to let go of that loving thought, for good.
I knew exactly how to do that, but I was too fragile and selfish to do it. You may not realize how strong your heart can be until you start falling in love. Your heart, at this point, is mightier than your brain and the damage caused is bigger. My brain and my heart were in battle; my tongue was tied and I couldn’t express anything. He had to get the words out of me, and my heart weakened as I saw him struggle. He was hurt by my actions. So my brain finally took control and untied my tongue. Every word was forced out of my mouth, but eventually, the message was out and clear. We have to let go of each other, for good this time. It was hard and I hated it, yet, it is for the best.
Love and relationships are so simplified by the media. My first relationship isn’t what I expected it to be; it was just like Princess Ann and Joe Bradley in the Roman Holiday. A happy beginning and a painful ending.
People come and go. Some stay longer, others end before they even start and a few whom I wished never lasted that long.
I live by two standards in life: Loyalty and Honesty. If you meet those two, at least towards yourself, you can enter my circle. But of course, there are sub-standards for the long-run. It’s actually just one: Can you make time for us? Even if it’s just 5 mins? If not, go away.
Let me tell you a story where I realized something a little too late.
I have only one remaining friend since childhood whom I still talked to, until today. I thought he was a true friend, a close friend. But in reality, he wasn’t. It was until a few days ago that I let the truth in.
When he comes to visit, I am the one who asks about him. I am the one who sets plans to meet. I am the one who persists for another meeting once the first, second and third fails. I am the one who initiates a friendly conversation, which doesn’t last long if it doesn’t feed his interest. He would only initiate a conversation if he wanted something. If we ever meet, pics are rarely to never taken. I shared my deepest secrets with him and he shared none, I came to realize. He also believes that make up and straightening my hair makes me look beautiful. Despite the fact that he knows me well, he still doesn’t know enough.
Why the hell was I still talking to him? I have way better, caring, understanding friends than him! Why is he still an important person in my life when I am not in his. He can’t spare 5 mins of his time to meet and talk! I should’ve never ignored the naked truth and simply let go. I wanted to share the latest highlight in my life, but I’ve been hesitant ever since. So I didn’t. He didn’t seem worth telling.
It’s a little too late now, but it’s better late than never. I’m letting go. Childhood friends … I have none! A few, very special ones remain and I look forward to adding more new special friends along the way in the future.
So we can talk about life at 2 A.M. in the morning.
No? I didn’t think so.
Care for a drink so we can go to your place and have a good time, then?
Yes? I got your attention. But, I also got the answer. And here’s mine: No, thank you!
Yes? We are a rarity, my dear!
So how do you think the ‘you’ in a parallel universe would act like?
(Fast forward 5 hours later)
That was the best date ever!
Would you like to solve a 1000 piece-puzzle on the rooftop tomorrow at 2 A.M.?
Yes? Great! See you 🙂
I won’t add to this a lot. I think the message is clear above. It’s rare these days to get a worthwhile date/meeting with someone without having to do with drinks and a one night stand. An odd conversation in an odd place at an odd time is just perfect! A cliche conversation in a cliche place at a cliche time is just pure bullshit and a waste of time!
Lots and lots of mood swings!
My mood swings happen suddenly. Sometimes, I’m surprised by them.
They’re also often hidden under my skin. Only those closest to me, get to take a sneak peek. As an introvert, I tend to share very little with as few humans as possible, especially when it comes to my mood swings.
It always impresses me how I can control my emotions despite these sudden mood swings. I guess it’s just my nature. I was born this way; I don’t need to put in an effort to act like I don’t give a fuck. My bitch-resting face came as a gift. I will only smile if there’s a reason to. I will only speak if there’s something worth commenting on or discussing. I will be your friend if you can live up to my standards. I will tell you if I want to. I have mood swings and I don’t have to show them to you unless I feel the need to.
Test me and I won’t give a fuck!
It came unexpectedly and I couldn’t be happier.
It is not one thing; it is a collection of souvenirs. It is that touch, that smile, that look, that kiss, that lick, that smell that is all over my skin! That fragrance that I sleep with, think about and crave for.
It doesn’t really smell like a cologne brand anymore. It smells like him. Somehow that fragrance isn’t a product anymore; it is associated with him. When I smell it, I smell him.
I’m just thankful for that fragrance.
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A Letter To Life:
Could you scamper slowly, Life?
Life, you’re going fast and time is flying at the speed of sound. I want to enjoy some extra moments with some extra time.
Life, you’re not even scampering. You’re running. Why the rush? What’s waiting for you? A new Life is going after you?
It wouldn’t be better than you. No one will accept it. The majority are afraid of what the world is becoming and wish they could go back to the simpler times. The times where love existed, where real connections existed, where real conversations lasted, where there was more real than virtual.
No need to hurry. It’s alright; you’ll always be welcomed first.
Scamper slowly, would you?
“Moments In Life” Blogger.
Humans set rules, fight, kill, create wars, standards, and many complications in life. But for what? More money? More power? Protecting their pride and ego?
Does it really matter?!
If you think about it, we’re just passengers in this universe. Generations have passed by and have gone, and then a new generation is created and the process is repeated. We pass by for a certain period and after that, it’s all over.
I don’t understand why people like to complicate others’ lives and their own. I don’t understand the need to be biased. I don’t understand the reason to hate. We are all the same; we are passengers in time on this planet.
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