It’s Wrong But …


I still don’t understand how it happened. I am the one who ended things between us due to lack of feelings from both our sides.  We kept communicating as friends and even less. A week after the break-up I didn’t feel anything at all. I actually felt relieved that we discussed this openly without any problems. I was happy with this decision. By mid of next week, a new feeling arises, a troublesome amazing one! I miss him. I miss him a lot! I miss being with him, talking to him, listening to him, trying more adventures with him. I was more alive when I was with him. I also changed without realizing it until yesterday when I was with him. My laziness decreased, my enthusiasm went up, my shyness was gone, I felt I was with someone very close, someone I can trust. I just wanted to see his and talk to him and hug him. But my feelings grew stronger when I saw and hugged him; I just couldn’t let go and I wanted to kiss him badly. And we did. And I couldn’t stop. Nor did he. I was enjoying it this time for real. This time I actually had a real, loving feeling for him. He told me he was trying to date someone and I knew what I did was wrong but my emotions were too strong I couldn’t sit still anymore. I don’t want to cut him off. He’s an amazing, caring, honest soul and it’s rare to find a close someone like him.

Should I let go of these feelings and go back to dating, or wait till I’m ready to meet someone new and get busy with my career?

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Friends?


People come and go. Some stay longer, others end before they even start and a few whom I wished never lasted that long.

I live by two standards in life: Loyalty and Honesty. If you meet those two, at least towards yourself, you can enter my circle. But of course, there are sub-standards for the long-run. It’s actually just one: Can you make time for us? Even if it’s just 5 mins? If not, go away.

Let me tell you a story where I realized something a little too late.

I have only one remaining friend since childhood whom I still talked to, until today. I thought he was a true friend, a close friend. But in reality, he wasn’t. It was until a few days ago that I let the truth in.

When he comes to visit, I am the one who asks about him. I am the one who sets plans to meet. I am the one who persists for another meeting once the first, second and third fails. I am the one who initiates a friendly conversation, which doesn’t last long if it doesn’t feed his interest. He would only initiate a conversation if he wanted something. If we ever meet, pics are rarely to never taken. I shared my deepest secrets with him and he shared none, I came to realize. He also believes that make up and straightening my hair makes me look beautiful. Despite the fact that he knows me well, he still doesn’t know enough.

Why the hell was I still talking to him? I have way better, caring, understanding friends than him! Why is he still an important person in my life when I am not in his. He can’t spare 5 mins of his time to meet and talk! I should’ve never ignored the naked truth and simply let go. I wanted to share the latest highlight in my life, but I’ve been hesitant ever since. So I didn’t. He didn’t seem worth telling.

It’s a little too late now, but it’s better late than never. I’m letting go. Childhood friends … I have none! A few, very special ones remain and I look forward to adding more new special friends along the way in the future.

 

Care for a cup of tea?


So we can talk about life at 2 A.M. in the morning.

Scenario 1:

No? I didn’t think so.

Care for a drink so we can go to your place and have a good time, then?

Yes? I got your attention. But, I also got the answer. And here’s mine: No, thank you!

 

Scenario 2:

Yes? We are a rarity, my dear!

So how do you think the ‘you’ in a parallel universe would act like?

(Fast forward 5 hours later)

That was the best date ever!
Would you like to solve a 1000 piece-puzzle on the rooftop tomorrow at 2 A.M.?

Yes? Great! See you 🙂

 

I won’t add to this a lot. I think the message is clear above. It’s rare these days to get a worthwhile date/meeting with someone without having to do with drinks and a one night stand. An odd conversation in an odd place at an odd time is just perfect! A cliche conversation in a cliche place at a cliche time is just pure bullshit and a waste of time!

 

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Mood Swings


Lots and lots of mood swings!

My mood swings happen suddenly. Sometimes, I’m surprised by them.

They’re also often hidden under my skin. Only those closest to me, get to take a sneak peek. As an introvert, I tend to share very little with as few humans as possible, especially when it comes to my mood swings.

It always impresses me how I can control my emotions despite these sudden mood swings. I guess it’s just my nature. I was born this way; I don’t need to put in an effort to act like I don’t give a fuck. My bitch-resting face came as a gift. I will only smile if there’s a reason to. I will only speak if there’s something worth commenting on or discussing. I will be your friend if you can live up to my standards. I will tell you if I want to. I have mood swings and I don’t have to show them to you unless I feel the need to.

Test me and I won’t give a fuck!

Image result for daria bitch face

That Fragrance


It came unexpectedly and I couldn’t be happier.

It is not one thing; it is a collection of souvenirs. It is that touch, that smile, that look, that kiss, that lick, that smell that is all over my skin! That fragrance that I sleep with, think about and crave for.

It doesn’t really smell like a cologne brand anymore. It smells like him. Somehow that fragrance isn’t a product anymore; it is associated with him. When I smell it, I smell him.

I’m just thankful for that fragrance.

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Image source: http://www.dirtyandthirty.com/wp-content/upload

Tingling


It was unexpected, far from expected!

Then came that fraction-of-the-second touch and everything changed.

A sensation of closeness grew stronger and warmer. More intense, more exciting than the second before.

I wanted more. I felt greedy with CRAVE.

I CRAVED that amazing, heart-racing, tingling feeling that crept under my skin and I didn’t want to let go.

I was willing to take risks, to ignore ridiculous ‘society standards’ that made the enjoyable a taboo, that made life suck more! I was willing to let go just to experience an extra second of pleasure, happiness, rush.

It’s my new, sweet addiction and I don’t need saving.

It saved me.

I am no longer from rotting in the coffin of boredom. I am brought to the light of life.

Cheers!