I am extremely happy!! I am soo happy I want to dance all day non-stop. I’m so happy I want to skydive (Ok.. maybe when I get there I’ll chicken out :P).
Do you want to know why I am happy? I’ll tell you even if you don’t want to know, cuz I am happy 😀
I finally reached my goal! Yesterday, I was accepted into the major I ‘ve fought for a year.
I got rejected twice. Can you imagine what it was like for me the second time I got rejected?! I was freaking out… it was like this is it, I failed! That’s the end. Even though I had one final chance to make things right, I lost confidence in myself. I felt like I was worth nothing, I am a nobody and foolish, stupid and brainless person. I felt that if I couldn’t make it through the second attempt, why wouldn’t I fail again?
I hated myself! I thought of suicide as the fastest solution to escape. But deep down, I can’t do it! I can’t hurt an insect; how am I supposed to hurt myself?! I can’t do it!
My mom told me: “ I don’t care anymore. It’s your fault. It’s your life… you choose what will happen. I am not going to say or tell you anything.”
She was right. I’ve got so far and I am too close. It was simply a 0.6% difference from my goal.
I got lectured by my brother harshly but I needed it. He told me that there is no magic spell, I gotta put everything into it and focus. That was the first motivation I got and what got me pissed off. I hated myself for thinking like that. I AM A SOMEBODY and I should prove it.
So I took this course as my final chance and decided to put everything into it!
But in between all this was a huge lie that I held to myself all along. And if I failed, I’ll have to break the news to my dad. And if I do, I’m going to hurt him very badly. I don’t want that!
I needed more motivation, so I caught my hands on a youtube video I posted earlier: Motivation Speeches by Great People. There was a part where Rocky Balboa speaks to his son; I felt like he was talking to me. It’s true everything he said was said to me as a reminder of myself that I refused to confront. As I was growing up, I was smart and perseverant and always curious. But somewhere along the line I got lazy and I started looking for easy things and ran away from difficulty. And when things got hard, I started pointing a finger at my professors that they where not good and that’s why I scored bad. That’s not true. It was all in me! I didn’t work hard, I didn’t push to the limits. I gave in!
So every time I feel like lying around and procrastinating I listened to the video. It reminded me of my old me that got me here and I have to get rid of it and GET UP and WORK!!
I studied day and night and worked during my breaks to pay off 10% off my tuition. I studied everything and made sure I understood it. I left space to practice more. And did sports to get rid of the stress and to revive energy in me.
And I made it! I scored an 85 on the course!! And I got accepted! I MADE IT!! I AM SO PROUD OF MYSELF.
Now that I am high above the clouds, I WILL NEVER GO BACK DOWN! I’ll keep aiming higher. I feel so much better and confident like I own the world. The skies are clear now. I know where I am heading.